Its Tuesday. Im bored and kind of sick. Just thought I'd share. However, I am still a secret blessing. Thanks to Jan for the little owl/chicken/cotton ball (??) card thingy to post.
Do you ever wish you could turn back time (in a Cher kinda way of course) - and impart all of your hard gained wisdom to your younger self? Well you can't. But I have decided to play the "what if" game and talk to 20 year old Marg. Enjoy or cringe or both. Dear Twenty Year Old Marg, You are a fucking idiot. Put down that slice of pizza and start working out. Your 40 year old atrophied muscles will appreciate that. You feel that you have the whole world ahead of you - you don't. Don't waste your time with college. It sounds really great now - but trust me you will keep going and going and going to get degrees that you will not use and bring zero sense of accomplishment. Go to cosmetology school - become a hairdresser. Or go become a nurse - its what you will want to do. And know that you will have the same hairstyle for the next 20 years - but its ok because it still looks pretty cool. And I apologize for the fucking idiot comment - 40 year old Marg is kin...
This weekend was moving weekend. But being that I don't have $5 to my name Jan and I had to move my enormous amounts of crap without the aid of movers. Needless to say it sucked. But we got it done and I think Jan will only really lose one arm to some gangrene infection -- and come on Jan ... two arms? Aren't you being a bit selfish there -- one is perfectly ok. So now I am out of the apartment and into the new house (which is still not finished ...) My new room is about the size of a postage stamp. Which if I look on the bright side means less cleaning ... however, I can see into Jan's room while lounging on my bed. Awkward? I think so. Also, my bathroom is right outside of Jan's bedroom -- meaning my 3 a.m. bathroom runs are not so private anymore. The other night I actually held it as to not wake Jan up with my urination. But I am sensing a whole string of UTI's from improper bladder usage - so maybe Depends or a chamber pot are in order. It has been a...
Yep that's right. Bitter. Which coincidentally rhymes with Shitter which is where my NON EXISTENT love life is at the moment. So what Bitter- fied me? Jan goes on her first date post divorce and the guy texted her after the date to tell her he had a good time and wants to see her again. Now I LOVE Jan to death (even when we both leave the bathroom doors open while peeing and I can see her sitting on the pot, via the circa 1980 mirrored closet doors that she has in the bathroom!) But I have been on about, oh I don't know, A BAJILLION dates and .... NOTHING. Cooties. It has to be cooties. I must have them and guys know it. Shit. Guess it is time to get back to the bathroom mirror (no sickos ... not to watch Jan pee) but to practice "I am a precious treasure" over and over and over until hell - maybe I'll want to date myself.
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