Dig Your Chili

Boy = Didn't work. Jobs = Sucking Life Right out of Me. I am ready for a break. But luckily the student loan repayment starts in December (merry F**king christmas) so that should make my life all better. (sarcasm anyone?) How do people actually have time to do things that are interesting to blog about? I may have to invent a whole alternate life just so I have something to say. Oh -- and check out pinheadpip.blogspot.com ..... fabulous display of my Pippy :)

Ok maybe that is an unfair statement. Maybe it should really be I am Crazy. I am having trouble shutting my brain off regarding this new guy. Why? I don't obsess about anything else except boys. There is a whole year of counseling there somewhere. My counselor is such a lucky lady. But on a different and totally unrelated (because I am sick of admitting that I am a total nutter) I got my bangs cut last night and decided I wanted them really short. Becareful what you ask for cause I got them really short. Now if I only had a Carebear back pack I would be ready for my first day of kindergarten. Only I'd be riding the short bus. Great.

So all of a sudden it is August. Not too sure how or when that happened. I sadly really have done nothing in the last three months except start a new job. It's pretty cool and we have an office cat. I wonder if the office cat wants to go grab a beer after work sometime. I did have a date last night, which for Marg is not news, but I think this one might actually call me back and that my friends is BIG news. I am keeping my fingers crossed but we'll see.

Ok ... been a big slacker for the month of May but it was kind of a big month for me so here is the Ultimate May Recap: 1. Graduated? Check. 2. Had 35 th B-day ( uggg )? Check. 3. Bought dog a pink polka dot bathing suit? Check. 4. Update blog to tell everyone that you are a loser who buys a dog a bathing suit? Check.

COBOL COBOL COBOL It sucks a great big ass COBOL COBOL COBOL I want out of this class. (sung massively off key to the tune of I had a little driedel)

So I have been a hermit crab these past few weeks. That is not leaving the house at ALL except for work, school and to obtain the occassional chocolate product. So I feel as if I need a bigger shell -- you know how the creepy little hermit crabs will crawl their nasty little crab bodies into a bigger shell if you put one in the cage with them?? That is what I need. Only I want a shell that comes complete with kick ass wi-fi and a hot pool boy.

I am 100% convinced now that my meeting a decent guy is rather like trying to catch a Unicorn. Impossible. Whiny baby today? You betcha. I think that I have special magnets built into my body that actually repel decent guys and pick up only Asshats (what a great word - almost makes me smile today). My spring break is almost over and I haven't really had any fun (nor have I finished my COBOL program) so it really has been a bust. Rather disappointing but I am so Eyeore today that I have the whole "Oh Bother" attitude going on and feel this is just par for the course. (Insert VERY LOUD SIGH here)

That's right pussies ... Fear the Badger.  That is certainly what Jan and I were doing last night.  Ended up having to call Amy to come save our asses from another plumbing mess (Thank You Amy!!).   Jan and I can't handle our Badger.  Although two great new words came from the Badger disposal debacle.   Wrenchette and Sink hole.  Classic.  I will forever more go around saying "Remove the putty from the sink hole please".  And a wrenchette ... how fucking cute is that ... sounds like Smurfette would use a wrenchette .  ( Smurfette probably could have done a better job installing the Badger than Jan and I did with or without a wrenchette !) But we seem to have a working disposal so at least our kitchen will not smell like small third world country.

Last night I tried a new take on the whole speed dating concept. I scheduled two guys for dates in the same night one right after the other. Kind of like a two for the price of one thing. It was quite honestly exhausting and I am not sure that I will try to be such a hero in the future. (Yes if I were a super hero I would be The Dater not sure what my super power would be but my costume would be kick ass - and be easy to clean!) So after the double dating experience I am ready to take a hiatus from trying to force my way into a soul mate. I figure maybe meeting guys on the Internet is not the best way to find true love. Of course, I am also convinced that dating guys that I have met off of the Internet is not going to amount to true love either so maybe I am just screwed. Or maybe I will be at the grocery store with no make up on and my hair looking rather like a rats nest and I'll meet the man of my dreams. Right there in the cereal aisle. Capt Crunch love forever (and with crun...

Now I am not a marketing genius but I would imagine that a garbage disposal named Bonecrusher would inspire a little more confidence in the product than a product named say oh I don't know Badger?? I am just saying ya know? So this weekend Jan and I finally decided that it was time to replace the old (and non-working) disposal. Everyone said it would be really easy. Everyone LIED. I am pretty sure that you are not supposed to beat the old disposal off of the sink with a hammer. But that method of removal seemed to work well so we went with it. Several hours and some blood shed later the old Bone Crusher was no more and is soon to be replaced by a Badger. All I can picture is a little furry animal under our sink disposing of our leftovers. That is probably about how well the old Badger will work. Amy has a Badger too. Apparently all the cool kids have Badgers. (but I'd still rather say I have a Bone Crusher!)

So I totally have nothing to report except for the fact that school is kicking my ass. And by kicking I mean beating the ever loving SH*T (that would be shit not shot) out of it. I am in my last semester so it is painful enough just for that reason but then add in there that I have to pretend it is 1985 and take a COBOL class .... well then that is just icing on the cake. (Where the hell are my leg warmers and crimping iron???)

Its Tuesday. Im bored and kind of sick. Just thought I'd share. However, I am still a secret blessing. Thanks to Jan for the little owl/chicken/cotton ball (??) card thingy to post.

So once on a to go order the genius who wrote my name on the carton spelled Margaret as Magrat . While playing dominoes the other night at the family compound somehow the Magrat story came out and then all hell broke loose. My family has now made up a new animal named a Magrat . And they were giving the Magrat all sorts of characteristics such as being vile (I think I had just burped at the table but who doesn't). All in all it became like a big Magrat roast. Was actually really funny and luckily the Magrat has thick skin and is wicked sexy!

My mom asked for me to come install a web cam on their home computer. Now nothing disturbs me more in this world than the thought of my mother with a web cam. Not sure why this is but web cams make me think of porn and thinking of my mother involved in porn is enough to make me poke both my eyes out with a cheese knife. (why a cheese knife? because I like to type the word "cheese" not even sure if there is such a thing as a cheese knife but I have now successfully typed "cheese" five times in a row. Mission accomplished.) But the darn web cam would not install on my parents 1984 Tandy computer (ha just kidding ... it is really an '85). So I took the web cam home to "test" and see if it worked on my lap top. Of course it did so now I have a web cam. Which makes me think of porn ... which makes me wonder how much money I could make ... which then makes me want to vomit. So here are some web cam pics for view pleasure/displeasure. (it beats thinking about...

It has come time to say goodbye to a long lived neurotic hang up of mine. So goodbye Kris. I love you and I always will but it is just not in the cards for us. I am letting go. Now if actually letting go could be as easy as writing that. Baby steps.

Found out today that I do not need to have a bone graft.  So apparently I am not Grafty .  Which is handy dandy swell with me.   And on a totally unrelated note - Michael, my kick ass commando army BroNLaw , is back home safe from Iraq.  I am glad that he is home safe and sound!!!   And on another totally unrelated note I actually had a good date last night.  I repeat I had a good date.  What? Is this even possible.  Apparently yes.  But then after having a good date I decide that it is call a douche bag night and called an ex and arranged to have drinks with him.  WHAT??? I am blaming this one squarely on BP 2, however, it is really nothing more than  commitment phobe issues surfacing.  Living life as always on the crazy side.  It will be interesting to see what happens ;)

I have been mostly officially diagnosed with Bi Polar 2 disorder.  Note the 2 there because that is a very IMPORTANT distinction.  I don't want to be labeled a Bi Polar 1 .. those bitches are crazy!  And I say mostly officially (in such well schooled grammar I might add) because my insurance company is crap for nutter care so I didn't want to pay out of pocket for a trip to the shrink.  So between my therapist and GP the diagnosis was made.   Not really much has changed except I have to take a stupid medicine called Abilify .  Like I was UnAble before?  Ass Faces.  Who names these things?  Someone not diagnosed with BP 2 I assure you.   But I have been milking (or trying to) the diagnosis.  A typical conversation these days at home goes like this: Jan: Marg did you clean the cat litter box? Marg : Dude you know that I am mentally ill. Jan: Um. Ok but did you clean the cat litter box? Marg (screaming now): You think I am capable of the little things?? Have you no respect for...